We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
