shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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