do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
