I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
