she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
