i wish there were pregnant emoticons
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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