Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
