I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
