I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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