never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
