I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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