weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
