I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
