i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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