The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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