I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
