He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
