I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
