I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
