dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
