There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
