Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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