Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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