it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
