My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
