Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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