the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize