I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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