We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
