I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
