He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
there is puke in my bra ... again
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
