My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
