dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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