We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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