You just made me feel so damn special
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
