Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
