I am spending my child support on dildos
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
