I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
