throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
