I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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