I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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