he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
