i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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