Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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