i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
