Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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