I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
