planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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