we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
