Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
