Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
