i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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