i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
