don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
