morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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