I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
