I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
