Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
