well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
