Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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