So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
