he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
