he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
