I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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