So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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