My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
